My ordinary hour glass

LSU grad student Katie Joy Crawford created a series of self portraits to describe her struggle with anxiety. (Article here: http://www.11alive.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/05/20/photography-anxiety-disorder-self-portraits-katie-crawford/27651345/)

Not all of the photos resonate with my experience, but Photo #4, pasted above, is exactly how I feel most of the time.

Like time itself is crashing down on me, drowning me, captivating me. All the while, I know I am running out of it and I need to be fighting to break free of it. But unable to sense anything other than the claustrophobic entrapment of the hour glass and the debilitating pressure of its falling sand.

Outside my hour glass, time ticks freely, unknowingly, surrounding my captivity, unable to see me through the walls of my ordinary hour glass.

Almighty God of Love

Sunday, we sang the lyrics "We welcome you with praise! We welcome you with praise! Almighty God of Love, be welcomed in this place!"

Almighty God of Love. What a perfectly astounding name for our God. He is All Mighty. He can do or be anything He desires. And His deepest desire is love.  The God who is Almighty chooses love.

Almighty God of Love, help me daily to choose to devote my limited might to the same purpose you have chosen for your all might. Help me love.
-mo

The Book of Eli

This is the second time I have seen this movie. The first time was the night before my life would change forever. My heart is sentimentally heavy as I watch tonight. It's not the best movie ever, but it will always be the movie I watched the night before my life changed forever.

The first time I saw this movie was the evening of January 16, 2010. My best friend and I went out for the evening to spend quality time together before I would leave on January 17 for my first trip to Liberia. My first trip to West Africa. My first trip to the developing world. My first international trip since surrendering my heart and life to God's calling.

When I was in 6th grade, I first knew God was calling me to serve him internationally. I remember waking up in the middle of the night strongly impressed that God was asking me to go to China to share Jesus with the people there. At that age, I was terrified of flying, and I remember sitting in the living room with my dad and bawling for several minutes before I could even catch my breath to tell him what was wrong. When I finally could speak, my only words were "I don't want to go to China." As I regained composure, I was able to describe to Daddy the calling I was sensing. We talked things through, and I was finally able to sleep.

But I said no.

I failed to follow God's call.

I went instead to Philadelphia that summer with my church youth group. We had two flat tires on the way to Philly, and I remember the driver turning around and making a joke about Jonah and the storm God put in his path as he ran from his calling. The joke was not funny to me. I knew I was Jonah. I don't know if I am literally the cause of the flat tires, but I will never forget the lesson God taught me with those tires.

The next several years, I was free of the burden of the call. I all but forgot about it. Perhaps God was waiting until I proved trustworthy to reissue the call.

At just the right time, the reissue happened.  Out of a lemonade machine at Chick Fil A, God spoke. Have I written about that experience here before? It was and is so real. I consider that machine my burning bush. I was an employee at CFA and had just taken an order. I turned to fill a cup with lemonade and clearly heard God speak, calling me again to go.  It was such strange timing. I had not been thinking about spiritual things at all. I was just doing my job, and boom. There God was. I imagine Moses felt similarly when he was just watching his sheep and all of a sudden was being called out from a burning bush.

And I said yes.

I decided to follow God's call.

I signed up to go with West Africa Crossroads Corporation to Liberia.  On January 16, 2010, the old me saw The Book of Eli at Regal Atlantic Station with Amanda. On January, 17, 2010, the old me boarded a plane to Liberia, where on January 18, 2010, the old me became a new me.

I like this movie.
-mo

Unjumped Chips

A life-size game of checkers.
But there is no king.
Never the option to move back.
Whatever chips are left unjumped will remain.
They remain unopened doors,
unexplored options.
They will always be could haves,
some of them should haves.
But there is no king.
Never the option to move back.

Merriest Christmas

My babies with me for Christmas for the first time in our lives. Makes me so merry.

things that keep me awake at night

not knowing how i would get my cats out of the house in a fire.

being the church

Check this out:

I have been carrying this newsletter around in my school bag for over a month waiting to post it to this blog.
Do you see what I see here?
Four Thank-Yous on just ONE page: for working together to clean the church building, for being a top contributor to a children's home, for prayers and acts of kindness toward local teachers, and for feeding a high school football team.
This is not trivial! I have kept this with me and planned to post it because it is such an incredible testimony of the power of God to work through His church to encourage a community.
And, see the announcement in the bottom left corner? Last week, I was there for that fall festival with my mom and my niece. And I saw for myself that what is represented in those thank-yous is really real. Their little church parking lot was packed out with faces young and old, MOST of which I had never seen before. This is my home church. If anybody is a regular attender, I have seen his or her face. There were HUNDREDS of faces from small Sandersville (population 6000-7000) that I had never before seen at this church. Hundreds of faces from a community encouraged by a church living its calling. And you know what really impressed me? It was FREE! This church opened itself up, gave out smiles, laughs, hugs, candy, and a full meal FOR FREE!
It has been a long time since I have seen such a small church so selflessly give of itself to pour into its community.
I am so proud of my home church for being the church in their community.
Thankful for you, Sisters Baptist Church.
Refreshed,
mo

"Your love has given me great joy and encouragement,because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people." (Philemon 7)