things that keep me awake at night

not knowing how i would get my cats out of the house in a fire.

free to breathe

breathing hasn't felt this good in a long time. i am so happy living in my own space, just dori and me.

even when i did not recognize it, so much of my life was lived in fear and anxiety. i could not move without being in someone else's space or having someone in mine. i was never free just to do what i wanted.

of course, life is supposed to be about thoughtfulness and considering others above oneself, but home is supposed to be about safety and comfort. i felt neither of those there. i was afraid of being up too early in the morning or too late at night. i was afraid of uncomfortable company and/or awkward conversation. i was afraid to adjust anything to make the environment more comfortable. i was afraid that my things would be misused, broken, or stolen. and the list goes on...

now, i am free. free to breathe. and breathing hasn't felt this good in a long time.