My ordinary hour glass

LSU grad student Katie Joy Crawford created a series of self portraits to describe her struggle with anxiety. (Article here: http://www.11alive.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/05/20/photography-anxiety-disorder-self-portraits-katie-crawford/27651345/)

Not all of the photos resonate with my experience, but Photo #4, pasted above, is exactly how I feel most of the time.

Like time itself is crashing down on me, drowning me, captivating me. All the while, I know I am running out of it and I need to be fighting to break free of it. But unable to sense anything other than the claustrophobic entrapment of the hour glass and the debilitating pressure of its falling sand.

Outside my hour glass, time ticks freely, unknowingly, surrounding my captivity, unable to see me through the walls of my ordinary hour glass.

free to breathe

breathing hasn't felt this good in a long time. i am so happy living in my own space, just dori and me.

even when i did not recognize it, so much of my life was lived in fear and anxiety. i could not move without being in someone else's space or having someone in mine. i was never free just to do what i wanted.

of course, life is supposed to be about thoughtfulness and considering others above oneself, but home is supposed to be about safety and comfort. i felt neither of those there. i was afraid of being up too early in the morning or too late at night. i was afraid of uncomfortable company and/or awkward conversation. i was afraid to adjust anything to make the environment more comfortable. i was afraid that my things would be misused, broken, or stolen. and the list goes on...

now, i am free. free to breathe. and breathing hasn't felt this good in a long time.