is God's answer to many prayers.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, November 16, 2008
she cried.
A high school senior, I invited my friends to watch a movie at my grandma's house. We were supposed to watch the movie for school, and she had a huge tv. She volunteered her house, excited to have a handful of young people in her usually lonely home.
We showed up; I introduced my friends; and she hugged us all. She was so happy to have our company.
We turned to the tv and found that grandma had no dvd player. We were unable to get together another day, so we had to leave grandma's house to watch the movie at Jamie's. Grandma was SO disappointed that she did not have what we needed. She had been so excited about enjoying our presence while helping us. Now, five minutes after our arrival, we were leaving her again to her quiet house.
She cried.
Now, remembering that day, the tears in her eyes as we left, I cry. Why didn't I stay? Oh, to have those moments back!
-mo
We showed up; I introduced my friends; and she hugged us all. She was so happy to have our company.
We turned to the tv and found that grandma had no dvd player. We were unable to get together another day, so we had to leave grandma's house to watch the movie at Jamie's. Grandma was SO disappointed that she did not have what we needed. She had been so excited about enjoying our presence while helping us. Now, five minutes after our arrival, we were leaving her again to her quiet house.
She cried.
Now, remembering that day, the tears in her eyes as we left, I cry. Why didn't I stay? Oh, to have those moments back!
-mo
Saturday, May 10, 2008
thoughtless
Control.
I feel so out of it. I know God is in it, but I do not know how to trust. (Proverbs 3.5-6)
Anxiety.
I feel so much of it. I know God does not desire it, but I do not know what to request. (Philippians 4.6)
Cares.
I feel so many of them. I know God wants them, but I do not know how to cast. (1 Peter 5.7)
Burdens.
I feel so weary of them. I know God wants to give me rest, but I do not know where to go. (Matthew 11.28)
Feelings.
They seem to be all I have anymore. The logic that used to own me has given way to unpredictable emotion. Well, maybe not so unpredictable. Predictably negative. Predictably sharp. Predictably overwhelming. Predictably powerful. Predictably controlling. Controlling my thoughts, my words, my actions. Controlling my pulse, my blood pressure. My emotional heart controlling my physical heart, my spiritual heart getting lost in the confusion. My head? Overpowered and useless. When my mind ruled my life, I prayed to be able to follow my heart. But, I do not follow; I am dragged mindlessly behind an unrelenting master. I am a slave to feeling.
Obedience.
I feel so far from it. I know freedom hinges on it, but I do not know what it looks like. (John 8.31-32)
Freedom.
I feel so close to breaking into it. I know it is mine in Christ, and I pray for boldness to stand firm in it. (Galatians 5.1)
-mo
I feel so out of it. I know God is in it, but I do not know how to trust. (Proverbs 3.5-6)
Anxiety.
I feel so much of it. I know God does not desire it, but I do not know what to request. (Philippians 4.6)
Cares.
I feel so many of them. I know God wants them, but I do not know how to cast. (1 Peter 5.7)
Burdens.
I feel so weary of them. I know God wants to give me rest, but I do not know where to go. (Matthew 11.28)
Feelings.
They seem to be all I have anymore. The logic that used to own me has given way to unpredictable emotion. Well, maybe not so unpredictable. Predictably negative. Predictably sharp. Predictably overwhelming. Predictably powerful. Predictably controlling. Controlling my thoughts, my words, my actions. Controlling my pulse, my blood pressure. My emotional heart controlling my physical heart, my spiritual heart getting lost in the confusion. My head? Overpowered and useless. When my mind ruled my life, I prayed to be able to follow my heart. But, I do not follow; I am dragged mindlessly behind an unrelenting master. I am a slave to feeling.
Obedience.
I feel so far from it. I know freedom hinges on it, but I do not know what it looks like. (John 8.31-32)
Freedom.
I feel so close to breaking into it. I know it is mine in Christ, and I pray for boldness to stand firm in it. (Galatians 5.1)
-mo
Thursday, January 24, 2008
home again
haha. i signed into blogger stuff to comment on april's new blog (checkaprilandtim.blogspot.com), so i decided to take a look at my old blog. i am still in atl, and a billion life-changing stuffs have happened since that last post, but last week i returned to the i just want to go home mentality. There are people here without whom i will not move, though, so until they decide to go home, i'm sticking around. they are home.
-mo
-mo
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Planning
Today, I just want to go home. I want to go home and stay forever. Home is more a state of mind and heart than a place, but the only place I have ever felt my heart belongs is Sandersville, Georgia. The only reservation I have about committing myself to Sandersville is that eventually I would like to have not only somewhere to call home but someone to call home. I have lived in Sandersville for 22 years and know no one there worth marrying. But, I cannot live my life chasing a man I do not know. Today, I do not need a man. Today, I just want to go home.
(Don't mistake this post for a decision to go home when I graduate. Two weeks ago, I was just as certain that I wanted to go overseas as a Journeyman. Here's the problem: Just as much as I don't like not having a plan, I don't like making decisions.)
-mo
(Don't mistake this post for a decision to go home when I graduate. Two weeks ago, I was just as certain that I wanted to go overseas as a Journeyman. Here's the problem: Just as much as I don't like not having a plan, I don't like making decisions.)
-mo
Monday, February 26, 2007
Heartbreak
Following is an email i sent to Michael this morning. Seems an appropriate post here as somewhat of an update on the molding of my heart. -Mo
--------
mre-
Today, on my way to work, my eyes were opened, and my heart was broken. I looked around me on MARTA, looked into the eyes of my fellow passengers. The railcar was almost void of passion or excitement. One young man standing at the back of the car looked tired, but even in his smile-less face, I could sense a love for wherever he was going, an excitement about what the day held for him. His eyes and mine held all the passion in our car.
Other passengers - some dressed for high-paying office jobs, some dressed for minimum wage - stared blankly ahead or perused this morning's AJC. Their eyes were glazed with the reality that today began another passionless week of drudgery.
Many of those blank stares likely were the hopeless stares of those who desperately need a Savior. Others, no doubt, were the weighted stares of those who have eternal hope but who lack present excitement. Statistically, more than two Christians were in that car this morning. Sadly, I could not have identified them. If the Holy Spirit in me could not even recognize Himself in them, how will the world know He exists?
Michael, we cannot *not* find a way to spread excitement. The world needs to see a unified Church "[pressing] on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of [her]" (Philippians 3.12). We have a Biblical mandate, which is being confirmed through every other channel of divine communication.
Let's continue prayerfully to stretch boundaries as we follow through with the passions and visions He has given us and look forward to the day when every hopeless stare is met with the fiery glance and friendly "hello" of a passionate heart living life "to the full" (John 10.10).
-mrt
--------
mre-
Today, on my way to work, my eyes were opened, and my heart was broken. I looked around me on MARTA, looked into the eyes of my fellow passengers. The railcar was almost void of passion or excitement. One young man standing at the back of the car looked tired, but even in his smile-less face, I could sense a love for wherever he was going, an excitement about what the day held for him. His eyes and mine held all the passion in our car.
Other passengers - some dressed for high-paying office jobs, some dressed for minimum wage - stared blankly ahead or perused this morning's AJC. Their eyes were glazed with the reality that today began another passionless week of drudgery.
Many of those blank stares likely were the hopeless stares of those who desperately need a Savior. Others, no doubt, were the weighted stares of those who have eternal hope but who lack present excitement. Statistically, more than two Christians were in that car this morning. Sadly, I could not have identified them. If the Holy Spirit in me could not even recognize Himself in them, how will the world know He exists?
Michael, we cannot *not* find a way to spread excitement. The world needs to see a unified Church "[pressing] on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of [her]" (Philippians 3.12). We have a Biblical mandate, which is being confirmed through every other channel of divine communication.
Let's continue prayerfully to stretch boundaries as we follow through with the passions and visions He has given us and look forward to the day when every hopeless stare is met with the fiery glance and friendly "hello" of a passionate heart living life "to the full" (John 10.10).
-mrt
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