Tuesday, May 22, 2012

airport security

McDonald's delivery guy has to send all his buns through security. I laughed so hard the people in line around me looked at me like I was a terrorist.


Friday, May 11, 2012

only once before...

...have i felt the intense burden, the physical feeling of spiritual heartbreak that i feel today. before, it was the day my sister called to tell me she had joined a unitarian universalist congregation. today, it's my brother.

i don't have a genetic brother. but when one man has been around through your absolute pinnacle of Christian growth (so far) and through your darkest hell on earth (hopefully ever), what are genetics??? even in our relationship, there have been certain peaks and troughs. yet, even when he's not my friend, i cannot deny he will always be my brother.

part of being his brother has been adopting parts his genetic family as well, in particular, our little brother.

when i first met little brother, he was nearing the end of a court-ordered stent in drug rehab, and we, his family, were celebrating not only his coming graduation but also his new-found faith in Jesus. he graduated and moved to atlanta to live with us, where i learned to love his wit, his charm, his thoughtfulness, and his naturally good and dangerously tender heart. in what may now be seen as an incredible irony, this little brother taught me through his calm, quiet example the importance of refusing to battle over petty things. he often shamed me with his ability to forgive and forget.

...
+ four years
...

the fourth year was a tough one for little brother. an influx of old influences, old temptations, old emotions, old habits.

today, i saw his face for the first time in months. but, the face i saw wasn't really his at all. it was the bruised and unshaven mugshot of a man who has forgotten who he is. the emptiness in his eyes, the absence of his characteristic cheesy smile sunk deep into my gut and sent an overflow of tears down my cheeks.

in that mugshot of my little brother, i saw what i heard in the phone call from my sister years ago: my own guilt. while i cannot be held accountable for their choices, i cannot help but think of my own failed responsibility in each situation. how could i have loved better? when should i have sucked up my pride in apology? where should i have lent a hand, a compliment, or a shoulder to cry on? how could i have better represented Christ to his church?

rather than dwell on rights and wrongs done, i ask again the question of ultimate importance: how can i love? and i pray that God will use my thoughts, my words, my time, my actions as answers to that question.

to God be all glory in and through all creation.
-mo

what a beautiful little man!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

here we go again

Field comp at 9am on June 6. More studying my hiney off. This time memorizing papers from Labor Econ literature. I am more than tired of all this craziness.
prayers appreciated.
-mo